Well i have the relay now, and have done a bit of research i found the instructions from the guy who posted the you tube footage but its in German i have translated it but its still a bit unclear but i have a wiring diagram, again in German i have looked up a few of the descriptions but again its unclear what the things are, can anyone make any better sence of it than i have.
The SOCKEL is the plastic part the relay plugs into, STECKER are the mirrors the "Kupplungsstation A-Saule Link" comes out as a Colume of left coupling station?? wtf is that, and "schließeinheit" is closing unit, again non the wiser with it in English. Although "türsteuergerät fahrerseite" is the Driver's side door control unit.