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Discussion in 'Jokes and Fun' started by colsy, Aug 21, 2012.
Reporter: "Mr Southgate, how far away are you from a World Class team?"
Southgate: "About 3 hotels."
Cannot believe that in this day and age that wearing underwear in the garden would offend so many people...
Admittedly it wasn't my garden... or my underwear
That Halifax advert with Top Cat in it is spot on.
A few years ago I took out a mortgage with the Halifax, and now I live in a bin in an alleyway.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
My wife reckons I'm going through a mid-life crisis but she's talking shite. If I want to put on my leathers and bandana and straddle the old two stroke that's up to me.
Anyway..it's my fuckin' ride-on mower.
I woke to find my wife sliding off my boxer shorts .
I looked down at her between my legs and said with excitement, “But it’s not my birthday until tomorrow.”
“I know, but I wanted to surprise you,” she smiled. “And I don’t know what size boxer shorts you wear.”
My wife yelled at me earlier "You weren't even listening there, were you?"
I thought "Fucking hell, what a weird way to start a conversation".