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Discussion in 'Jokes and Fun' started by colsy, Aug 21, 2012.
Argentina is surprisingly cold.
In fact it's bordering on Chile.
Two young boys Johnny and his brother Sidney walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, Johnny, "Son, how old are you?”
“Eight”, Johnny replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for Sidney. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied suspiciously.
"Damn right." Johnny said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, Sidney can't do none of that.”
Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break, in their soon-to-be, new store.
As yet the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Australian walked to the window, had a peek and in a broad Australian accent asked:
'What are you selling here?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes'.
Without skipping a beat, the Australian said, 'You're doing well.......only two left!
Maybe not really funny due to job losses, but.
After the man cave comes.....
A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the
glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the
window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could
never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous
resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight
tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've
come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?"
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of
I put 'DOCTOR'.
What use is my Mum going to be?
(Actually, surprisingly handy.)
My boss said to me, "This is the fifth time this week that you've come to work late. Do you know what that means?" "Yes," I replied, "it's Friday."
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids. But, when I got home, they were still there.
I just hate when you're sending a text, and you're so rudely interrupted by a stupid jogger, bouncing off your windscreen.
Funny jokes as always. Thanks for cheering us up!
thanks m8 - have to try and laugh with all bollox going on recently!